My heart is broken, but it will heal, in time...

Life is strange sometimes, wouldn't you agree, Reader?  It truly is a wild ride of families, holiday celebrations, bickering children about whose turn it is to pick the next activity, going to events, learning new things, hobbies, and everything in between.  All those wonderful things that colour our very existence.  As Transcendental Meditation founder Maharishi Mahesh Yogi famously stated, "Life is a festival of disruption."  

He wasn't wrong.  

Hello!

 Hi, Reader.

My apologies for the long lapse in posts.  Things got pretty busy and life got in the way.  But, I assure you, I'm still around.  Still chasing thoughts, deepening my considerations of things, and learning new and improved ways of seeing the world around me.

Recently, I had a friend move in with me, someone who quickly became another adopted child.  Sweet kid, just a couple months older than my oldest biological child, and it's been great having someone around, another human presence in the apartment.

Thoughts from meandering through my day today...

Hi, Reader!

I live near a shopping mall, and a few years ago, Shawn (RIP) and I went to look around at the final days of SEARS’ brick-and-mortar store. When we walked into the store, what was left of it, all we could do was just stand there and look around, and then at each other, just speechless. We’re both in our late-40s, so we remember growing up with SEARS being an ever-constant presence throughout our childhood and adolescence. So, to see the shelves basically empty, and even the shelving units, themselves, as well as the display cases, the shopping carts also had price tags on them, no lie, I felt like another piece of my childhood was disappearing. It’s no secret I don’t have many good memories of my childhood, but one of the few good childhood experiences I had, I was able to go with my Grandpa (RIP) to SEARS every once in a while when he needed to buy tools, or if we went for clothing/shoes, etc. Sigh.

Salutations and greetings!

Good day to you, Reader. So, yesterday I didn’t get a chance to do any writing, and by the time I sat down to actually write, I was pretty tired. Ah, well! No big deal. Just time to get back up on the proverbial horse and push forward, right?

So long, 2021, and thanks for all the strength!

Hello, Reader.  It's been a while, hasn't it?  To be precise, it’s been thirteen months and seventeen days since my last post. It’s been quite an interesting time of things, to be sure. I’ve been really struggling to get my creative voice back, but it’s not been easy.

As 2021 wraps up, I can’t help but think how long this year seems to have been. This isn’t the first attempt at writing this post, but I want to just address a few things.

An attempt in cultivating an attitude of gratitude when things are falling apart.

Recently, a dear friend of mine posted something rather grim on her timeline on Facebook about not being able to see anything positive about 2020. Now, we all know that 2020 has been not a simple dumpster fire, but a whole nuclear fallout. It’s so easy to focus on all the scary stuff that’s happened this year, losing sight that there’s been – even if it’s minor – some good things that have happened, as well. I’m just as guilty of doing this, but a post on a page I follow on the same social media platform made me pause and examine what good things have happened this year? Taking stock in the events in my personal experiences this year, I’ve noticed several things, in fact, have happened that have been quite wonderful.

Reader, I know this year has been tremendously hard on all of us, some of us are struggling harder than others, but I tell you the truth: there are still things to be thankful for, you just have to take a step back, pause, and take a look at the whole picture, not just the grim news that constantly floods our newsfeeds on social media, our e-mail, and even on the telly. I know it’s hard to find anything good happening in the midst of all the fear and chaos, but I promise you with every cell of my being that there are good things, absolutely, still happening.

That being said, my challenge for you is this: take some time and look over this year and not just see, but acknowledge and thank God, for all the good things, no matter how big or small, nothing positive is too insignificant to be grateful for that’s happened for you. I’d love to hear what good things have happened for you this year!

Here are my positives of 2020, in no specific order:

As Little Children

If God is the Father, and He created us, then it stands to reason that Jesus quite literally meant we are children. Yes, we’re adults, teens, children in primary school, toddlers, and infants in the literal earthly realm.  But in the grander picture, we are God’s children, because He adopted us into His Family at our Baptism.  Because of this, we have a Parent Who loves us beyond reason, comprehension or rational understanding. He won’t abuse nor abandon us.

The Cost of Discipleship is the Folly of the Cross

Suffering, as St Peter reminds us in 1 Peter 4.12-19, is part and parcel to our decision to follow Christ.  He says, ‘...those who suffer in accord with God’s will hand their souls over to a faithful Creator as they do good.’ - 1 Peter 4.19  Earlier in the text, he reminds us not to ‘...be surprised that a trial of fire is occurring among you, as if something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice to the extent that you share in the sufferings of Christ, so that when His Glory is revealed you may also rejoice exultantly.  If you are insulted for the Name of Christ, blessed are you, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you.  But let no one among you be made to suffer as a Christian should not be ashamed but glorify God because of the Name.  For it is time for the judgment to begin with the household of God; if it begins with us, how will it end for those who fail to obey the Gospel of God?

“And if the righteous one is barely saved, where will the godless and the sinner appear?”  As a result, those who suffer in accord with God’s will hand their souls over to a faithful Creator as they do good.’  - 1 Peter 4.12-19

On the Value of Focus

‘Then He made the disciples get into the boat and precede Him to the other side, while He dismissed the crowds. After doing so, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. When it was evening He was there alone. Meanwhile the boat, already a few miles offshore, was being tossed about by the waves, for the wind was against it. During the fourth watch of the night, He came toward them, walking on the sea. When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea they were terrified. “It is a ghost,” they said, and they cried out in fear. At once, [Jesus] spoke to them, “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.” Peter said to Him in reply, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” He said, “Come.” Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw how [strong] the wind was he became frightened; and, beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus stretched out His Hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” After they got into the boat, the wind died down. Those who were in the boat did Him homage, saying, “Truly, You are the Son of God.”’ - Matthew 14.22-33

This year has been full of chaos. We are, in a way, facing our own storms on the Galilean Sea, our Beloved Lord is gently walking towards us, and He’s inviting us to join Him out on those choppy waters like He did all those years ago with our brother, St Peter. And like St Peter, we join Him, and we do shift our focus from our Lord and panic when we see how messy and terrifying our surroundings really are. When we do, in that split second, we panic and sink, crying out for help, and our Lord is gracious enough to lend a Hand to fish us out, set us back in our own respective boats with a gentle question, ‘What did we learn?’

Separation: We're not the only ones who experience the pain of that chasm!

Separation.  This word came to me loud and clear Saturday evening during Holy Communion.  Last week was rough.  My dog was attacked by another dog and I’ve been a wreck trying to process it all.  My dog is okay, thankfully, he’s got a puncture wound in the back of his neck just above his shoulders, but my friend and I took him to the vet Saturday morning who cleaned out that wound and put him on some strong antibiotics and pain meds.  He’s currently dozing next to me on his bed as I write this.  My reaction to this whole situation wasn’t the kindest, and I’ve felt absolutely terrible about it, so I knew that I needed to go to Confession before I was able to be comfortable with receiving Holy Communion.  So, when our Lord was being administered to those of us in attendance, I quietly shook my head as one of the Eucharistic Ministers walked by where I was sitting, letting this person know I’m not receiving our Beloved Lord.  I needed to talk to Him first to apologize to Him for my actions.  As I was sitting there in my seat, I was crying and apologizing to my Jesus for how disgusting my response was to my dog’s attack and how I’d allowed my rage to take over rather than hand it to Him.

Big things happening!

I haven’t written anything for a month. Things have been super hectic around here, so this is me taking a little time to just tuck into some writing and share an update of the goings-on here at TabEnd.  So much has been unfolding!

Grade was posted!

Firstly, I want to make clear that the course I took for Creative Writing Specialization wasn't really for anything else than to improve my writing as a whole - and let's be honest, maybe even get back into fiction writing once in awhile.  ;)

Now, that being said, the long, agonizing wait is finally, at long last, over!

I wrote this yesterday (7 May 2020)

So, I have had two things rattling around my head for the last several weeks.  One - Hosea, as a whole, but there's a phrase in there that God  says to the Israelites:  'Come back to Me.'  Two - The Parable of the Prodigal Son, which the entire point of that story is our Beloved Lord saying, 'Look.  I don't care what you did before, just come talk to Me about it, and let's work on where to go from here.  Alright?  I love you, don't you understand that?  I'm here, I care, and I'm ready to heal you.'

That being said, I have been really thinking about these two things a lot lately, especially with the social distancing our human society as a whole has been forced into due to the pandemic.

Yesterday morning - for reference, I'm talking about 7 May 2020 - I was thinking about the seminar called 'The Gift' that I've signed up for through the Charismatic Catholic Renewal (The link is there, just click on 'The Gift' and it'll take you to the page to register if you're interested.  Yes, it's free.  ;)  )...  One of the last statements made towards the end of last night's session was, 'Come back to Me.'  I thought about that phrase a lot as I got puppy-dude combed down for the night and went to bed.  When I got up, I wrote the following poem.  I've not written poetry for years, but this demanded to be written.

I hope you like it.

Answering a question about writing processes...

A Colleague of the Pen recently shared her writing process asked on social media about the rest of us writers she’s connected to: ‘What’s yours?’

I didn’t, honestly, think I had one until today. There are a few things I do that are a must for the words to flow out:

Welcome home, sweet Philip!

Sometimes there are things in life that make absolutely zero sense, but we just learn to roll with the punches as they come.  Sometimes, when we least expect it, things happen to take a turn of the completely unexpected.  I'm generally not the type to enjoy surprises, but there are situations where I can't help but feel pleasantly surprised.

This afternoon, a friend of mine and I were talking, and as has been the case frequently as of late, I mentioned I need a dog again.  I miss my girl, of course, but I've been ready for a while now for another dog to be part of my life again.  An hour after I'd made that statement, my friend and I were chatting about some other things happening in our lives and I hear him mention that there was a dog wandering the street, so he pulled over and got out, calling to the dog.  I teased with, 'He's looking for you to bring him here to live with me and let me spoil him forever!'  The dog, whom we've called Philip, came running to my friend, tail wagging and a big grin on his face, tongue hanging out, ears flopping in the wind as he ran.  He was quite friendly and let my friend put him in his truck and drive him to my house.  Philip, I don't know the life you had before you found us, but I promise you, you're going to have the best rest of your life with me!  Thank you for allowing yourself to be rescued, and thank you, to my amazing friend, for finding him!

Te iubesc, bebelus.  Te iubesc!

Maundy Thursday - Mama

Mama, you knew your Son had come to save us all. You knew that you were the mother of our Creator, our Redeemer, Love in its Purest and most Gentle and Precious Form. You knew what you’d signed up for when St Gabriel at the Annunciation had told you what God wanted of you. Your consent to allow yourself to be used for such a Purpose for the entire world, your fiat, you consented to be part of a much, much bigger and sweet plan than the world had ever experienced – and will ever – know.

Your love for the Father and for all was enough for you to, without a second thought, say, ‘Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.’ (Luke 1.38) That simple statement changed the entire fabric of everything, because you didn’t flinch, you stood and said, ‘Yes.’

You knew that you would be a pariah in your community, and you knew that the gossip would flow like a river. But none of that mattered to you, because you knew that God had chosen you for a Special Purpose.

Lockdown thoughts and babblings... and gratitude for the blessing of friendship!

Show of hands, who's having a hard time with this lockdown?

COME ON, DON'T BE SHY, WE'RE ALL COOL HERE. Anyone? I know I am. My main issue is the place I WANT to be, I CANNOT be. I haven't left my flat in ... what's it been now... three days. I normally try to go for walks every day. Just once a day sometimes more. To clear my head. I decided no, I'm staying home and doing some actual work on my writing, and .. well... I will say THIS much for this lockdown: it's done WONDERS for my writing! It's really improved! ^_^ So, silver lining, yes?

So... tonight. Oh, tonight. BLEH. Took a brain break from writing. Had a panic attack. Stupid mental hellhounds, man., barking up a storm in my head! I'm okay now, though, I promise. Cabin fever and I don't get on well, I can tell you with ALL sincerity! Grateful for the amazing friends I have solid connections with for keeping me company throughout the day yesterday (uhh... what day was that? Oh, yeah. Saturday. LOL!) and for the conversations with people tonight that I'm only peripherally connected with, but grateful to have had the company in PM with them as a more than welcome distraction!

Ah, the frustrations faced when wanting to write something beautiful and the words just haven't come yet!

Sometimes, when we ask God something, He'll answer with, 'Wait, My child. Be patient.' Heaven knows, your girl ain't the patient sort. I know, I know, try to contain your surprise. ;) But, it's true. I'm so not. I've been wanting, since Thursday after Mass, to sit and write a meditation about the night Jesus was arrested, but about Mama's side. One of my favourite things to do to feel as close as possible to our Beloved Lord when I read about Him is to put myself in that situation. Imaginative Prayer, it's called. I try to put myself in each scenario I read about, to really try to get as much as I can out of it. Being a writer, this works to my benefit, because of my really vivid imagination! ^_^

Writing isn't unlike the anticipation of a birth, because you're so excited for what's to come, but you have to be patient, let things grow and develop before doing anything with it. It's frustrating, but it's so worth it when you sit back and be patient. I've written about this before in this post.

After Mass Thursday, I got thinking about when our Beloved Lord entered into His Passion willingly. Without argument. Without a second thought. I got thinking, too, about what our Mama must've been feeling, seeing her Precious Son go through all He had for us, and how strong and steadfast she was, letting Him go. She knew what she was getting into when she consented to be our Lord's Mother.

Triduum Thoughts 9 April 2020 - Holy Thursday Night.

Sitting during Mass this evening, I was listening to the Readings, and then Deacon Tim's homily and got to thinking about a lot.  Sometimes my thoughts come at me like drinking from a fire hydrant.  Other times, it's barely trickle of anything out of a frozen tap.

Tonight, I want to share with you something that came to me, and I would love your honest opinion.  It's my hope that this draws you ever-nearer to our Sweet, Beloved Lord and what He has done for us.

A big announcement and a couple other little things I want to share with you all!

A few days ago, I got extended an invitation to be a guest blogger on The Behold Project. The person in charge of the blog asked me if he could see some of my work, so I sent him my website. A few minutes later, he wrote back and told me he liked what I write, and invited me to be a guest blogger! I can’t believe it! I’m still sitting here absolutely stunned by this.

Adopt a Grandparent! (Yeah, it's totally a thing)

As is the case with all of you, I’m certain, I’ve been sitting here trying to wrap my head around this situation with the virus coming to the United States. Trying to wrap my head around the fact that a couple weeks ago, I was able to see my parish family and we could hug each other and spend time together in person… I admit, I shed a lot of tears since the lock-down became a very real reality.

So … A couple weeks ago, when COVID-19 made its presence known here in the United States, it became serious enough for the Bishops to sit up and say, ‘Alright, y’all, no public Mass until this is taken care of, we’ve got to keep our parishioners safe.’ Years ago, I worked in a rest home for the elderly. It wasn’t a job that I enjoyed – let’s face it: nursing homes aren’t the most ideal environments to work in, especially for someone as young as I was (I was 19). It feels like a lifetime ago when I was there, but I remember most of my co-workers by name, and I remember most of my favourite residents’ names, as well.

A Retreat...

Last night, I was thinking about retreats. A lot. Before this COVID-19 thing started, I was thinking I need to get out of here for awhile and go be elsewhere to collect myself. Not ‘find’ myself – because we don’t actually ‘lose’ ourselves… – but to collect myself. Every retreat I’ve ever been on, even the scrapbooking one I went on in 2005, had a ‘theme’ of sorts.

Every single one. (= That got me thinking, I was going to go be with God for a few days out in the wilderness, but the people I was going to go do it with, they didn’t get a chance to get back to me when I’d left them a message, because the COVID-19 virus started hitting our country, too. Understandably, that retreat wasn’t meant to be, and I’m okay with that. Everything, literally, that I was going to do with those beautiful ladies, I can easily do here at home.

But, having never done a private retreat before, let alone one on my own, I was at a loss as to what to do, where to even start.

So.

It's getting more real...

Good morning, Readers! Here we are in week two of this crazy COVID-19… Show of hands, who’s going nuts? Anyone? Anyone?

In my state, Ohio, we’re not on martial law, but we are told we are not permitted to go to any social things. The only places we’re permitted to go are the doctor, the store, and that’s … pretty much it. It’s so strange. I went to the store yesterday because I needed to get out of the house for a minute, and I wasn’t gone super long, but it’s crazy how … odd the atmosphere felt. I don’t mean the temperature of the room, right, but how we interact with each other anymore. People were not going Black Friday nuts, but they were kind of … subdued, I guess would be the best word I can think of. The cashiers’ smiles didn’t meet their eyes, customers just kind of lumbered along like, ‘Well, Myrtle, let’s go grab some milk for the kids, let’s get this over with...’ Almost like a collective exasperated sigh could be heard.

It was deafening.

Adoration.

Hey, y'all.  I just wanted to check in and draw your attention to the latest addition to my blog, I've embedded a video of the live feed for Perpetual Adoration broadcast from Tyburn Convent.

In this difficult time, it's not feasible to be able to attend Adoration, so I felt the need to add a spot on my website to share the live feed from Tyburn Convent, they have Perpetual Adoration they broadcast live through YouTube.  Right now, with things being so chaotic, and let's face it, terrifying, I don't know about y'all, but I'm feeling pretty isolated and cut off from our Beloved Lord.  Not being able to attend Mass is difficult enough.

I don't know if you're able to find a way to watch Mass remotely, but I certainly hope so.  If nothing else, I know that Papa Francis broadcasts the Mass from the Vatican.

My hope is that this COVID-19 issue is cleared quickly and as safely as possible, but I'm so grateful to the swet nuns at Tyburn Convent for doing the Perpetual Adoration live feed on YouTube so we can still have Adoration.

Know that I'm praying for you all, I love you, and I hope we're able to get through this unscathed and stronger on the other side of this.

Let your faith be bigger than your fear!  Keep safe!

Girl Up, Already! Combatting Fear with the Cross of Beloved Jesus Christ.

Tonight, because I can’t (read: won’t) sleep, I’m going to take some time to sit and work through my over-abundant anxiety and attempt to write. I sat here and carefully listened to a couple of homilies from Fathers of Mercy priests. Both of these beautiful homilies really got me where I live, and where I’ve been for a long time.

While I was listening to them, I’ve been sitting here thinking a lot – too much, let’s be honest, yeah? - and decided to clear out my e-mail. I came across a few things that got me really to pause and say, ‘Ohhhh…’

COVID-19 IS OUR WAKE-UP CALL!

...Hiya, gang. I don’t even know where to begin. I had another article started, about appreciation, and I discussed it with my friend/mentor… Not so much the content, not yet, as it was still pretty raw. To be fair, by the time y’all see anything hit my blog, it’s gone over by me at least a couple times and at least once with my friend/mentor.

...and breathe...?

Good morning, Reader! Happy Thursday.

...Can you tell the coffee kicked in… 

And there’s another reason for my good mood: I don’t remember how much I’ve written about this in the past, but over a year ago, I started on an adventure. I decided to sign up – at the encouragement of a few close friends – for a Creative Writing Specialization online. I had no idea where it would take me, and I certainly didn’t think it would take this long to get this far. But, as the saying goes, ‘If you wanna make God laugh, tell Him your plans!’

Lent: It's NOT About Us!

How is your Lent going, Reader? I hope things are going well, and you’re drawing ever-nearer to our Beloved Lord!

Something that I wanted to address is how we approach Lent. I know that two posts ago, I mentioned some ideas of what to do as penances this year to do, some suggestions. Here’s the thing, I wanted to reach out and discuss a little something about Lent a bit further than I did last week: HOW are you approaching Lent? I don’t just mean, ‘are you praying more?’ or ‘are you fasting more?’ I certainly hope these things are happening, of course, but… No. I want to take some time to share a little something with you that I just learnt about: 2 Samuel 7.1-7:

After the king had taken up residence in his house, and the Lord had given him rest from his enemies on every side, the king said to Nathan the prophet, ‘Here I am living in a house of cedar, but the ark of God dwells in a tent!’ Nathan answered the king, ‘What ever is in your heart, go and do, for the Lord is with you.’ But that same night the word of the Lord came to Nathan: ‘Go and tell David My servant, Thus says the Lord: Is it you who would build Me a house to dwell in? I have never dwelt in a house from the day I brought Israel up from Egypt to this day, but I have been going about in a tent or a tabernacle. As long as I have wandered about among the Israelites, did I ever say a word to any of the judges whom I commanded to shepherd my people Israel: Why have you not built me a house of cedar?’

Zeus and Athena...?

Reader, can we have a real conversation right now? I’m in a weird place. Let’s face it, your girl is not okay. But yet, I totally am. I’m just in a weird place. My mood’s been great, but my brain won’t stop going seventeen different directions all at once. Honestly, it’s frustrating.

Let's talk about Lent!

I would like to talk about Lent just a little bit… Ash Wednesday is coming up, and I got to thinking I’d like to write a little bit about it… And without really any effort to look, I found my answer.

Recently, I read something that made me quite sad. Someone I know in a peripheral sense mentioned about becoming increasingly stressed out about ‘what to give up’ for Lent. Honestly… I reached out to this person and explained, ‘Hey, no, you’re going about this the wrong way!’

Now, understand, Reader, I am in no way perfect. I know, it’s a shock, isn’t it? But I tell you the truth, and this is going to be hard to understand for some: None of us are. Lent, though, shouldn’t be at all a stressful time! Preparing for it, during, or even Easter. It should be, honestly, a time of joy. We are preparing to meet our Beloved Lord in the desert. It’s a time to weed out those stumbling blocks that are causing us harm in our spiritual walks with Him.

Catholic Women's Conference 2020

What a day!  Went to the Catholic Women’s Conference. When we got there this morning, it was already crowded with lots and lots, and LOTS of ladies who were ready to learn and grow in the Lord together. ^_^

There’s a group I’m still really newly involved with, Catholic Charismatic Renewal, and I was able to help out at their table. At first, I couldn’t find them, so I went to Mass, which was celebrated by our Bishop. His homily… was incredible. It really resonated with me. Of COURSE I took notes. ^_^

When God Steps Back - What does this mean?

I subscribe to a rather neat newsletter, Friends of the Little Portion Hermitage. I like reading these so much, I save each one. Today’s title caught my eye and it gave me pause when I read it. ‘The Discipline of Darkness.’...

Happy New Year!

So, here we are, a new year! Already! I was trying to figure out how to write this post, and this is my… I think the fourth or fifth attempt at writing this out. Here’s hoping this time it doesn’t need re-written, because...

Christmas 2019: All of the Because.

Firstly, I want to say Happy Christmas, everyone. :) I hope that things have been well for you all, that time with loved ones was joyful and fun! You know… It’s been years since I’ve celebrated Christmas on purpose. ...

Fourth Sunday of Advent: PEACE...

Fourth week of Advent. Already. Wow, Reader, where’s the time going, you know? So… I wanted to try to tackle this week’s readings without a repeat of last Wednesday’s statement about the Gospel. It’s the same Gospel this week, which...

Third Wednesday of Advent: JOY

Recently, someone I care very much about like my own flesh and blood was put through some unnecessary things by family. Now, ‘family’ … I want to explore that word a little. Family, as we are typically...

Third Sunday of Advent: JOY!

DISCLAIMER:  So, Reader, I'm a touch behind, but this week has been a pretty hectic one for me!  I'm gettin' this all caught up.  :)  Thank you for your patience!
Moving on!

Here we are, Reader. Already the Third Week of Advent. This month seems to be racing by, doesn’t it?

As I was reading the Scripture passages for today, a couple of things came to mind. In Isaiah, he talks about restoration. A mental image flashed in my mind, about as winter’s time ends and springtime starts to come around, and as we slowly come around and start seeing warmer weather, it’s really no different than what we’re waiting for and preparing for our Beloved Lord’s Grand Arrival!

Nemo dat quod non habet.

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been taking apart the Readings for the First and Second Sundays and Wednesdays of Advent and sharing my thoughts with you on here. Today, Reader, I am going to take a small break and address something...

Second Wednesday of Advent 2019 (a little late, but I explain why. read on!)

Pause. That word… We throw it around a lot, don’t we? ‘Honey, pause the film, please, I want to go grab some water.’ ‘Pause here, I want to expand on this a little bit to clarify a few things that are happening in this chunk of text.’ ‘It’s too bad we don’t have a pause button for the kids so they can settle down for a few minutes!’

Pause. It’s true, life doesn’t come with such a thing, does it… And yet… it kind of does. We just don’t acknowledge that it does.

Second Sunday of Advent 2019

Here we are, Reader, the beginning of the second week of Advent. By my count, Christmas is just a little over two weeks away. Crazy how time flies, no? This week, we learn about John the Baptist preaching in the desert. He...

First Wednesday of Advent 2019

Hm. You know … I’ve been writing reflections for a little while now. In my parish, I’ve done them for the weekly bulletins for the months of July and November, and I’ll be writing them again in March. So, while my eye isn’t...

1st Sunday of Advent 2019

Happy first day of Advent, Reader! You know… I could sit and write about each and every one of the readings for today. I could probably write volumes about each verse. But, for the sake of time and not boring you to tears, I won’t do...

Holiday Season is herrrrrrre...

Advent is upon us. But, what is Advent? Not unlike the season of Lent, Advent is a time of preparation. This year, for me, is worlds different than any other time I’ve celebrated Christmas – voluntarily...

Thankful... Grateful... Blessed... LOVED.

It’s begun. Holiday Season 2019 is upon us. Already. Where did the time go!? A few days...

Don't blink. Emily Anastasia Okerberg 20 October 2010 - 12 November 2019

Eight years ago, the bossiest, wiggliest, waggiest Dachshund barged into my life, changing everything for me. ...

For the Feast of a little baby Saint...

As I sit here, it’s 21 years since my oldest daughter (my second baby) went Home. Normally, I’m a sobbing, quiet mess. This year… This year is worlds different. In a word: Love. I’ve been tremendously fortunate to have friends...

For the Love of a Sister...

Recently, I was told about a nun that I know. She is dying, and I cannot go to visit her, because she is not in my city. She’s about two hours or so south of me. She is called Sister Marie. ...

Your girl got interviewed! :D

A Mother's Love is Eternal...

Welcome, October! You have been waited for with anticipation. Leaves changing, crisper (though not in my state, sadly, not yet!) temperatures… Apple picking, cider, horror flicks (if that’s your thing…), gearing up for Halloween and passing out candy for the littles.

October, with you, you also bring a state of remembrance. One in four women have experienced the loss of a baby – whether it’s through a miscarriage or a too-soon-death of a baby who’s born. October, you are a double-edged sword for me. I have two babies who were born this month, one dancing in Heaven.

Today is full of promise.

In a little while, a new journey will begin for me. Someone I have a meeting with came highly recommended to help me with some things I’ve been fighting for many, many years. This morning, during prayers, it hit me: We come into...

Candor.

Have you ever wondered what you would be like if your circumstances growing up were different? I’m completely serious. What if you weren’t bullied in school (or at home)? Would you still be the you that you are now? Growing up,...

My Brain Goblins Ran Amok.

Ah, September, we meet again.

I don't really know how to explain it, but September and I are not really cool.  We're more... frienemies.  Stressing on the 'enemies' part of that word.  ;)

This year will be eight years - eight!) since my mental breakdown happened.  The last day I saw my little dog I had before I got Emily.  The ball that got rolling when I ended up moving back to Ohio.

I am a thought-hoarder.  For y'all who aren't familiar with the show 'Hoarders,' check out one episode. Just one.  Trust and believe, if you transpose whatever  the client on that episode's hoarding for thoughts, well, then you've got my brain pretty much right there on your screen.  I'm not even joking.

This year, I'm facing something I've taken a lot of time circling around, poking at it randomly with a stick, even attempted to set it ablaze a few times (only to have the fire put out by rains of depression and woe.  Gee thanks, brain.  Thanks a lot!  +grumble+).  This year, though... It's different in a few ways, but the one that I'm willing to discuss in this article...:

The Divine Spark

Have you ever just went for a walk out in nature, just to explore your surroundings? Unencumbered by phone or other technological devices, except for maybe a camera? And as you’re out on this walk, have you ever just taken in your surroundings, not so much just being aware of, ‘I’m on a sidewalk. Oh, here comes someone, I need to step aside so we don’t crash into each other!’ But really just paused your thoughts and really appreciated the beauty around you? Have you ever stopped and pondered where that beauty comes from, really appreciated just being alive? Back in 2009, I went on a retreat with some friends down near Ash Cave (that’s where I took this photo, during the time my then-roommate and I were out on a nature hike). As a writer and someone who loves to play around with cameras, I tend to see things a bit ... differently, you could say, than someone who is, say, an architect or someone who likes to refurbish old vehicles to their former glory. But it all boils down to one thing: Creativity. We all, each of us, has something to offer the world in terms of art.

Art isn’t limited to just painting, or just writing, or just building. It’s so many things, and the question came up during a conversation: do we stop to wonder where that creativity came from?

Given we’re all created in the image and likeness of God, it stands to reason that He’d extend that desire to create things into us, too, when He created us. In Jeremiah, it says, ‘Before I created you in the womb, I knew you.’ That’s heavy, isn’t it? Stop and look at a tree sometime, or even just appreciate a simple dandelion (before you pluck it from your garden). Each little thing we take for granted that’s around us, we should stop and take it in. Appreciate the intricacy of the details of the colours, the designs. There’s no happenstance reason for it being there. It had to come from Somewhere, right? God gave us something He didn’t give the animals or even the other plants: the ability to notice the beauty of our surroundings. There’s something oddly beautiful about seeing old buildings or even a cluster of weeds in the dirt straining toward the sun. Our Lord is a Creative, Himself. He loves to make things so much, He shared that part of Himself with us. I once read a quote, ‘Our talent is a gift from God. What we do with that talent is our gift back to Him.’ (Anonymous)

God didn’t just look at a list of specifications for each of us that He wanted to include in terms of what we’d look like or enjoy in our free time. He thought more about the intricate details of our personalities, too. He thought of the music we’d enjoy if we’d play an instrument, our favourite colours, all of it. God wanted to include as much of Himself in creating us as He knew our finite little minds could handle. So, one of those things was that creativity that He, Himself, possesses. One of the coolest things about our relatability with the Almighty is the ability to take a few bits of seemingly odds and ends and making something elaborate with it. For example a hank of yarn and a couple of knitting needles. Or some fabric, thread, and a machine with a needle. Within minutes (or depending on the project, hours, days), you’ve taken something in your mind and brought it into fruition.

Next time you’re out with your family, or even by yourself, stop and breathe in your surroundings. Take in everything. The birds chirping, the trees, the animals, even the insects (yes, even the irritating ones). Take it all in and whisper a prayer of thanksgiving to our Father for all He’s given us, and for the talents you, yourself possess, because He’s the Author of all that we are and have.

Whoa.

Monday morning, I had a really interesting thought come to my mind. I woke up at one point, and so vividly I could reach out and touch Him, I saw Jesus on the Crucifix. It just dominated my thoughts for several minutes, and left me just laying there contemplating what the Crucifix meant, why it happened, and not just a, 'Oh, look! There's Jesus, He died for me on the Cross because I'm a sinner.' No. There's much, much more to it than that.

We must pray for our priests.

I'm weird.  I love being Catholic.  I love the fact that my Jesus wants so desperately to be with me, He went to all the lengths necessary to do so.  I love that He also gave a way for me to be with Him, too, this side of Heaven.  I'm grateful He gave the sacrament of Confession so that we could connect each Mass.  A friend said that 'Sin isn't dirt on one's soul, and people need to stop seeing it as such.  Sin is a WOUND.'  My friend is one of the wisest people I know and I really look up to this person quite a bit.  It's why I enjoy talking with and spending time with them so much.  I learn a lot each time.  I continue to learn things and I'm given a listening ear when I'm trying to process something I don't understand quite fully or something that I don't like but need to because it's necessary for my salvation.

The Pros and Cons of Technology

Recently, my nephew (he’s in his mid-20s) and I were out adventuring around town (we ended up at Walmart, which seems always the ‘it’ place for my friends and me to end up when we’re bored haha), and on our way back, we were listening to music and we were talking about technology.

Self-improvement - what I'd like to work on...

Now,  I don't want this to come across as one of those 'self-help-y' posts, but ... I mean, let's be honest here.  I have two idea banks, and I couldn't decide on something to write about.  What's a writer to do?  Well, I grabbed a decent-sized handful of ideas I'd written on popsicle sticks and closed my eyes, shuffled them about and... this one was the one I grabbed.  So, here we are.

Bear with me.

Life isn't about having what we want, but appreciating what we already have!

I saw something earlier in my e-mail that prompted me to write this article.

The subject? It was about appreciating what we have. That gave me pause and I thought, 'Hm. I do that. I wonder how many others do, too?'

It's Mental Health Awareness Month... Let's discuss being mindful in our vernacular!

It’s already May. Can you believe it, reader? That means the year’s half over already. It also means that this is Mental Health Awareness Month. Nothing short of ironic that my patron saint’s feast day is on the 15^th. :)

Anyway.

My friend got ordained as a Transitory Deacon Friday night.

My friend finally got his Call to Holy Orders a few weeks ago after much prayers, hard work, blood, sweat, tears, and copious amounts of loss of sleep trying to get the proverbial raccoons lined up for their pizza crusts.

This person is one of very few that I call 'friend,' and it was an honour to be able to see him be brought forward for our Bishop to lay hands on him and formally hand him the authority that comes with the office of Deacon.

A somber day...

This afternoon, I found out some pretty devastating news about a friend...  He passed away at 4.15 this morning, Eastern Time.  Only 41 years old.  Below is the letter I wrote, as a feeble way to cope with this tremendous loss.  For the sake of privacy, I've omitted the person's name.

A couple big announcements...

Heyyyy, so I wanted to address some things I've been rolling around in my hands for some weeks now.

So, at the first of it all, I've been gearing up for school to start.  Not only that, I've been learning the guitar (and getting better, surprisingly enough), and I've been challenged to learn a new song.  And boy, is it a challenge!  Bring it on, I say!

The really big stuff I'm looking forward to, however, are outside of school and the guitar:

The Rite of Election!

Well, well, what have we here?  Another post!  Things have been absolutely CRAZY busy around here for me.  Lots of exciting things happened and are currently happening, though.

Let's see...

Several Songs That Remind Me of My Youth

Ah, music.  It has the capacity to make us laugh, cry, think.  It has the ability to invoke so many memories, even after a long time has passed. In the movies, it can cause a warning that says, 'Hey, something's coming up that you need to brace yourself, viewer, because it's big!' or it has the ability to further the comedic experience in a scene.

Recently, I was sitting here just listening to music on my Spotify and came across some interesting tunes that brought back a lot of crazy memories from the time of when those songs were popular on the radio.

One thing I have always loved about Spotify is how they have these different playlists that they come up with, 'Time Machine' type playlists.  Here are ten songs (in completely random order) that I've found on Spotify I've long ago forgotten that still manage to invoke memories from childhood and early adulthood for me (and for the sake of playability and the fact that not everyone uses Spotify, I'll use YouTube):

Seven things I'd Tell My Younger Self

Dear younger Rea,

I want to say a few things to you in hopes that you will be able to heal and move forward as you deserve to be able to do.

Ready?

Proud Dog Momma Moment to End a Long Day...

Today was a long, long day.  Lots of conversations were had, mostly somber, but a few were full of a lot of laughs and shenanigans (thanks, Wanda and Gordie, for those!).  It never will cease to amaze me how well in tune we pet owners are in touch with our pets, and vice versa.

Today, as I said, was long.  The best parts of the day, really, were hanging out with two of my favourite people:  Wanda and Gordon (at different times).  I'm sitting here watching BuzzFeed Unsolved:  True Crime on Hulu.

Comfort - not just something physical!

Hey, so I want to talk about comfort.  It comes in so many different forms, as we're all aware, and as a species, doesn't matter if it's animal, human, or even plant, comfort is a thing we all yearn for.

My dog, she's most comfortable wherever I am that she can touch me.  If we're sitting on the couch watching a movie, she's right next to me, right at my hip, usually under her blanket (she's a Dachshund, and Dachshunds are known burrow-dogs).  My cats, they're fairly comfortable wherever they decide to be.  Sometimes on my lap, sometimes on the back of the couch, my bed, wherever they feel like being that they know is within their permissible boundaries to be.

Personally, I'm comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt, barefoot, running around in the sunshine.  If it's cold, I'm happiest indoors, of course.  If I HAVE to go out, then I want a silly hat and usually, I can get by with a hoodie.

But, I didn't decide to write this about physical comfort.  No.  I want to talk about comfort that goes deeper than the surface.

Random actual update. :)

Happy New Year, y'all!  I hope you had as great a time welcoming the new year as much as I did.  Welcome, 2019!  You were anticipated!

The Blonde Chef - Mexican dinner time.

And on this episode of 'The Blonde Chef,' we find yours truly has decided to make some burritos for dinner.  The meat browned, drained, and stirred into the beans, frying pan soaking in soap, bean-meat mix moved over to the burner that the meat was just browned upon...  Forgot that the burner had been shut off, because leaving an unattended, still-active burner... not wise.  Especially when there's cats afoot!  Randomly stirring the meat-bean mix, making sure that it doesn't scorch... not able to figure out WHY I can't smell anything cooking by now...  AND WHEN I GO INTO THE KITCHEN TO CHECK WHAT'S WHAT... I FIND THE BURNER'S OFF!  +shakes fist+  I quit.  

Good-bye, 2018. You won't be missed. Not entirely.

I'm going to share something incredibly real and raw with you all.  I don't think being vulnerable is necessarily a BAD thing, but it is not something that I'M entirely comfortable with, so bear with me.

As 2018 comes to a close, I have done a LOT of reflection on how things went.  The ebb and flow of life, as a whole.

Rite of Acceptance yesterday.

I'm still trying to process what yesterday was as a whole, but I have something to show you.  Yesterday, as I mentioned in my previous post, was the Rite of Acceptance for us who are participating in the RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) classes to become a Catholic.  We were brought formally before the congregation as either a Candidate for Confirmation or as a Catechumen (someone who's not been baptized yet).

Philosophy, Auntie-Grannie!, and other ponderings...

Here I am. I'm gearing up for NaNoWriMo next month, and I'm really excited. I've been taking my time getting things in order, and so far, it's going well. A few days ago, I reached out to the people in charge of my program and I've asked if I can hold off taking the next course before the big Capstone project until December. I want to have time (and energy) for both work AND play. Not that I really go anywhere interesting in my 'off' times, but nonetheless. :)

Halloween - History and its cultural changes

One of the oldest holidays known throughout human civilization, Halloween dates back some many thousands of years.  In the Celtic culture, it's called Samhain (pronounced sow-ain), and in Roman culture, it was commonly known as 'Pomona Day.'    In the Celt tradition, it was the celebration of the ending of summer and the beginning of harvesting as well as the dark, cold winter, which was commonly associated with human death.  Dark, right?

There's a vast difference in pronunciation of 'Samhain' and Halloween, and a lot of us aren't really farmers that need to harvest anything, right, so let's take a look at why Halloween is, well, Halloween.

Why isn't the kettle sounding off...?

Alright, so the world needs laughter.  Desperately.  Please, allow me to be a contributing factor to such comedic relief!

Alright, lovelies.

They say ‘truth is stranger than fiction,’ and some of the best stories start out with, ‘No bullshit, I was there!’

So, I’ve decided to do a little something different. This was inspired by the SECOND time I’ve attempted to cook something and it didn’t go quite as planned (at first). I’m starting a new series, and I’m going to call it ‘The Blonde Chef’ - bounced this idea off of a pretty close friend of mine and she encouraged me to do it. So, here we are.

Gather ‘round the spatula, children, and I, I will tell you the tale of a crockpot and a FryDaddy.

Ready?

Recommitting to my art, to myself.

I love books. I love the texture of paper in my hands, I love the sound of opening a brand new hardcover and hearing that satisfying crack of the spine, like it’s waking up and saying, ‘Oh, hello there!’ I love words, I love that we can take 26 letters and arrange them in such a way they make words, and words can be strung together to make a sentence.

It's preview time. :)

To make it up to you about the sad state of things at present - my constant absentee-ism... - I'm going to share something with you that if I don't do it NOW, I'll NEVER do it, so here we are.

I ask for three things:
1 - you do not judge too harshly.  This is my first-ever attempt at writing in this genre.  This is also a RAW copy.  As in, it is not edited yet, and this is just right off the cuff.  Well, I had started hand-writing it, but I want to share it, so I had to type it out.
2 - DO NOT pirate this.  I will find you, and it will not bode well for you!
3 - If you share it, understand that this is INTELLECTUAL COPYRIGHT TO ME, as it is MY brainchild.