Sometimes, when we ask God something, He'll answer with, 'Wait, My child. Be patient.' Heaven knows, your girl ain't the patient sort. I know, I know, try to contain your surprise. ;) But, it's true. I'm so not. I've been wanting, since Thursday after Mass, to sit and write a meditation about the night Jesus was arrested, but about Mama's side. One of my favourite things to do to feel as close as possible to our Beloved Lord when I read about Him is to put myself in that situation. Imaginative Prayer, it's called. I try to put myself in each scenario I read about, to really try to get as much as I can out of it. Being a writer, this works to my benefit, because of my really vivid imagination! ^_^
Writing isn't unlike the anticipation of a birth, because you're so excited for what's to come, but you have to be patient, let things grow and develop before doing anything with it. It's frustrating, but it's so worth it when you sit back and be patient. I've written about this before in this post.
After Mass Thursday, I got thinking about when our Beloved Lord entered into His Passion willingly. Without argument. Without a second thought. I got thinking, too, about what our Mama must've been feeling, seeing her Precious Son go through all He had for us, and how strong and steadfast she was, letting Him go. She knew what she was getting into when she consented to be our Lord's Mother.
As a mother, myself, of three amazing children, and one bonus child and bonus grandma to two little ones, I can understand the helpless feelings that were breaking her to pieces, because I promise you, there's nothing more devastating than outliving your own child, having been through that, twice, myself. There's also devastation in watching your own child go through something you can't go through for them. Even though He was in so much pain, even though she knew He was on His way to His Execution ... She didn't try to get in His Way. She didn't try to stop the soldiers. She didn't try to stay their hands from flogging Him, from beating and hurting Him. She was about to outlive her only Child, but ... She knew He would be back in three days. She knew He was God Incarnate. But it still shattered her to see Him go through so much suffering because we are angry little children who throw a tantrum when we can't have our way. And yet, she stood at His Crucifixion. SHE. STOOD. When everyone else was kneeling and weeping, rending their clothing and howling, SHE STOOD. SHE STOOD. She didn't take her eyes off of Him even once. She was His comfort, He was hers.
I've been meditating on this a LOT the last few days and been wanting to write about it, but I couldn't quite find the words. Last night, I joined with friends to do the Stations of the Cross on ZOOM, and it was such a beautiful experience! After we were done, about an hour after, I watched 'The Passion of the Christ,' which is a movie that's equal parts difficult to watch as it is equally wholly wonderful and beautiful to see. Based on the visions of Anne Catherine Emerich, Mel Gibson did a wonderful, wonderful job. I felt all the emotions. I kept trying to figure out how to approach Jesus' Arrest, from Mama's side, but I kept hearing, 'No. Wait.' I went to bed this morning frustrated that the words just would. not. come! When I woke up, I knew, today's the day. Today, I would be able to sit down and write. I'm working on it now, and I will definitely share on my blog what I've come up with. It's my prayer, my heart's desire, that you enjoy reading what I come up with when I'm able to share it as much as I'm enjoying writing it. It's also my hope that something touches you in such a deep way in there that it makes you feel connected not just to what this weekend's about, but all the components therein, and all the wonderful, wonderful gift that this weekend is: The Triduum of our Lord. His Passion, His Death, and His Ressurection.
Reader, today, Black Saturday, we wait in anticipation. The anticipation of our Beloved's Glorious Ressurection. As an old pastor of mine once said, 'The Superbowl of Christianity.' But it's so much more than that, isn't it?
It's taken me a lot of searching, a lot of wrestling, a lot of screaming, a lot of tears, and a lot of frustration and a lot of, 'But!' for me to get to where I am now, and I'm nowhere near where I would like to be, and God willing, will eventually get to one day. Right now, this weekend, I feel so close to our Mama, so close to my Beloved Jesus, I am enjoying being able to sit and just be with T/them for a while, and sit and rest in T/their experiences, and I feel the closest I've ever been to T/them than I've ever felt before. It's equally surreal and overwhelmingly gorgeous.
My meditations will be up as soon as I can get them finished, and I pray that you all find peace and quiet to reflect on what this weekend's truly about. I pray that when you read what I've written when I post them that my meditations will help you to feel that closeness to our Lord and to our Mama. I hope that with each word your eyes take in, whatever's troubling you, it melts away like wax next to a furnace, and that your hearts are quieted so you can rest in the peace and comfort that our Lord gives us through His Death and His Resurrection because He loves us THAT. MUCH! He died for us because we are worth that much to Him to reunite us to His Father. He wants to give us the joy and the peace He's wanted for us from the beginning before time even was.
I love you all. And I thank you. I'm praying for you, please continue to pray for me.