"... and if not, He is still good!" (Daniel 3.18)

I'll start with the context and then I'll go into my thoughts about everything.

Life Updates

Hello, everyone.

It's been a long time, hasn't it?  There's been a lot going on here.  

My heart is broken, but it will heal, in time...

Life is strange sometimes, wouldn't you agree, Reader?  It truly is a wild ride of families, holiday celebrations, bickering children about whose turn it is to pick the next activity, going to events, learning new things, hobbies, and everything in between.  All those wonderful things that colour our very existence.  As Transcendental Meditation founder Maharishi Mahesh Yogi famously stated, "Life is a festival of disruption."  

He wasn't wrong.  

Hello!

 Hi, Reader.

My apologies for the long lapse in posts.  Things got pretty busy and life got in the way.  But, I assure you, I'm still around.  Still chasing thoughts, deepening my considerations of things, and learning new and improved ways of seeing the world around me.

Recently, I had a friend move in with me, someone who quickly became another adopted child.  Sweet kid, just a couple months older than my oldest biological child, and it's been great having someone around, another human presence in the apartment.

Thoughts from meandering through my day today...

Hi, Reader!

I live near a shopping mall, and a few years ago, Shawn (RIP) and I went to look around at the final days of SEARS’ brick-and-mortar store. When we walked into the store, what was left of it, all we could do was just stand there and look around, and then at each other, just speechless. We’re both in our late-40s, so we remember growing up with SEARS being an ever-constant presence throughout our childhood and adolescence. So, to see the shelves basically empty, and even the shelving units, themselves, as well as the display cases, the shopping carts also had price tags on them, no lie, I felt like another piece of my childhood was disappearing. It’s no secret I don’t have many good memories of my childhood, but one of the few good childhood experiences I had, I was able to go with my Grandpa (RIP) to SEARS every once in a while when he needed to buy tools, or if we went for clothing/shoes, etc. Sigh.

Salutations and greetings!

Good day to you, Reader. So, yesterday I didn’t get a chance to do any writing, and by the time I sat down to actually write, I was pretty tired. Ah, well! No big deal. Just time to get back up on the proverbial horse and push forward, right?

So long, 2021, and thanks for all the strength!

Hello, Reader.  It's been a while, hasn't it?  To be precise, it’s been thirteen months and seventeen days since my last post. It’s been quite an interesting time of things, to be sure. I’ve been really struggling to get my creative voice back, but it’s not been easy.

As 2021 wraps up, I can’t help but think how long this year seems to have been. This isn’t the first attempt at writing this post, but I want to just address a few things.

An attempt in cultivating an attitude of gratitude when things are falling apart.

Recently, a dear friend of mine posted something rather grim on her timeline on Facebook about not being able to see anything positive about 2020. Now, we all know that 2020 has been not a simple dumpster fire, but a whole nuclear fallout. It’s so easy to focus on all the scary stuff that’s happened this year, losing sight that there’s been – even if it’s minor – some good things that have happened, as well. I’m just as guilty of doing this, but a post on a page I follow on the same social media platform made me pause and examine what good things have happened this year? Taking stock in the events in my personal experiences this year, I’ve noticed several things, in fact, have happened that have been quite wonderful.

Reader, I know this year has been tremendously hard on all of us, some of us are struggling harder than others, but I tell you the truth: there are still things to be thankful for, you just have to take a step back, pause, and take a look at the whole picture, not just the grim news that constantly floods our newsfeeds on social media, our e-mail, and even on the telly. I know it’s hard to find anything good happening in the midst of all the fear and chaos, but I promise you with every cell of my being that there are good things, absolutely, still happening.

That being said, my challenge for you is this: take some time and look over this year and not just see, but acknowledge and thank God, for all the good things, no matter how big or small, nothing positive is too insignificant to be grateful for that’s happened for you. I’d love to hear what good things have happened for you this year!

Here are my positives of 2020, in no specific order:

As Little Children

If God is the Father, and He created us, then it stands to reason that Jesus quite literally meant we are children. Yes, we’re adults, teens, children in primary school, toddlers, and infants in the literal earthly realm.  But in the grander picture, we are God’s children, because He adopted us into His Family at our Baptism.  Because of this, we have a Parent Who loves us beyond reason, comprehension or rational understanding. He won’t abuse nor abandon us.

The Cost of Discipleship is the Folly of the Cross

Suffering, as St Peter reminds us in 1 Peter 4.12-19, is part and parcel to our decision to follow Christ.  He says, ‘...those who suffer in accord with God’s will hand their souls over to a faithful Creator as they do good.’ - 1 Peter 4.19  Earlier in the text, he reminds us not to ‘...be surprised that a trial of fire is occurring among you, as if something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice to the extent that you share in the sufferings of Christ, so that when His Glory is revealed you may also rejoice exultantly.  If you are insulted for the Name of Christ, blessed are you, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you.  But let no one among you be made to suffer as a Christian should not be ashamed but glorify God because of the Name.  For it is time for the judgment to begin with the household of God; if it begins with us, how will it end for those who fail to obey the Gospel of God?

“And if the righteous one is barely saved, where will the godless and the sinner appear?”  As a result, those who suffer in accord with God’s will hand their souls over to a faithful Creator as they do good.’  - 1 Peter 4.12-19

On the Value of Focus

‘Then He made the disciples get into the boat and precede Him to the other side, while He dismissed the crowds. After doing so, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. When it was evening He was there alone. Meanwhile the boat, already a few miles offshore, was being tossed about by the waves, for the wind was against it. During the fourth watch of the night, He came toward them, walking on the sea. When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea they were terrified. “It is a ghost,” they said, and they cried out in fear. At once, [Jesus] spoke to them, “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.” Peter said to Him in reply, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” He said, “Come.” Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw how [strong] the wind was he became frightened; and, beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus stretched out His Hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” After they got into the boat, the wind died down. Those who were in the boat did Him homage, saying, “Truly, You are the Son of God.”’ - Matthew 14.22-33

This year has been full of chaos. We are, in a way, facing our own storms on the Galilean Sea, our Beloved Lord is gently walking towards us, and He’s inviting us to join Him out on those choppy waters like He did all those years ago with our brother, St Peter. And like St Peter, we join Him, and we do shift our focus from our Lord and panic when we see how messy and terrifying our surroundings really are. When we do, in that split second, we panic and sink, crying out for help, and our Lord is gracious enough to lend a Hand to fish us out, set us back in our own respective boats with a gentle question, ‘What did we learn?’

Separation: We're not the only ones who experience the pain of that chasm!

Separation.  This word came to me loud and clear Saturday evening during Holy Communion.  Last week was rough.  My dog was attacked by another dog and I’ve been a wreck trying to process it all.  My dog is okay, thankfully, he’s got a puncture wound in the back of his neck just above his shoulders, but my friend and I took him to the vet Saturday morning who cleaned out that wound and put him on some strong antibiotics and pain meds.  He’s currently dozing next to me on his bed as I write this.  My reaction to this whole situation wasn’t the kindest, and I’ve felt absolutely terrible about it, so I knew that I needed to go to Confession before I was able to be comfortable with receiving Holy Communion.  So, when our Lord was being administered to those of us in attendance, I quietly shook my head as one of the Eucharistic Ministers walked by where I was sitting, letting this person know I’m not receiving our Beloved Lord.  I needed to talk to Him first to apologize to Him for my actions.  As I was sitting there in my seat, I was crying and apologizing to my Jesus for how disgusting my response was to my dog’s attack and how I’d allowed my rage to take over rather than hand it to Him.

Big things happening!

I haven’t written anything for a month. Things have been super hectic around here, so this is me taking a little time to just tuck into some writing and share an update of the goings-on here at TabEnd.  So much has been unfolding!

Grade was posted!

Firstly, I want to make clear that the course I took for Creative Writing Specialization wasn't really for anything else than to improve my writing as a whole - and let's be honest, maybe even get back into fiction writing once in awhile.  ;)

Now, that being said, the long, agonizing wait is finally, at long last, over!

I wrote this yesterday (7 May 2020)

So, I have had two things rattling around my head for the last several weeks.  One - Hosea, as a whole, but there's a phrase in there that God  says to the Israelites:  'Come back to Me.'  Two - The Parable of the Prodigal Son, which the entire point of that story is our Beloved Lord saying, 'Look.  I don't care what you did before, just come talk to Me about it, and let's work on where to go from here.  Alright?  I love you, don't you understand that?  I'm here, I care, and I'm ready to heal you.'

That being said, I have been really thinking about these two things a lot lately, especially with the social distancing our human society as a whole has been forced into due to the pandemic.

Yesterday morning - for reference, I'm talking about 7 May 2020 - I was thinking about the seminar called 'The Gift' that I've signed up for through the Charismatic Catholic Renewal (The link is there, just click on 'The Gift' and it'll take you to the page to register if you're interested.  Yes, it's free.  ;)  )...  One of the last statements made towards the end of last night's session was, 'Come back to Me.'  I thought about that phrase a lot as I got puppy-dude combed down for the night and went to bed.  When I got up, I wrote the following poem.  I've not written poetry for years, but this demanded to be written.

I hope you like it.

Answering a question about writing processes...

A Colleague of the Pen recently shared her writing process asked on social media about the rest of us writers she’s connected to: ‘What’s yours?’

I didn’t, honestly, think I had one until today. There are a few things I do that are a must for the words to flow out:

Welcome home, sweet Philip!

Sometimes there are things in life that make absolutely zero sense, but we just learn to roll with the punches as they come.  Sometimes, when we least expect it, things happen to take a turn of the completely unexpected.  I'm generally not the type to enjoy surprises, but there are situations where I can't help but feel pleasantly surprised.

This afternoon, a friend of mine and I were talking, and as has been the case frequently as of late, I mentioned I need a dog again.  I miss my girl, of course, but I've been ready for a while now for another dog to be part of my life again.  An hour after I'd made that statement, my friend and I were chatting about some other things happening in our lives and I hear him mention that there was a dog wandering the street, so he pulled over and got out, calling to the dog.  I teased with, 'He's looking for you to bring him here to live with me and let me spoil him forever!'  The dog, whom we've called Philip, came running to my friend, tail wagging and a big grin on his face, tongue hanging out, ears flopping in the wind as he ran.  He was quite friendly and let my friend put him in his truck and drive him to my house.  Philip, I don't know the life you had before you found us, but I promise you, you're going to have the best rest of your life with me!  Thank you for allowing yourself to be rescued, and thank you, to my amazing friend, for finding him!

Te iubesc, bebelus.  Te iubesc!

Maundy Thursday - Mama

Mama, you knew your Son had come to save us all. You knew that you were the mother of our Creator, our Redeemer, Love in its Purest and most Gentle and Precious Form. You knew what you’d signed up for when St Gabriel at the Annunciation had told you what God wanted of you. Your consent to allow yourself to be used for such a Purpose for the entire world, your fiat, you consented to be part of a much, much bigger and sweet plan than the world had ever experienced – and will ever – know.

Your love for the Father and for all was enough for you to, without a second thought, say, ‘Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.’ (Luke 1.38) That simple statement changed the entire fabric of everything, because you didn’t flinch, you stood and said, ‘Yes.’

You knew that you would be a pariah in your community, and you knew that the gossip would flow like a river. But none of that mattered to you, because you knew that God had chosen you for a Special Purpose.

Lockdown thoughts and babblings... and gratitude for the blessing of friendship!

Show of hands, who's having a hard time with this lockdown?

COME ON, DON'T BE SHY, WE'RE ALL COOL HERE. Anyone? I know I am. My main issue is the place I WANT to be, I CANNOT be. I haven't left my flat in ... what's it been now... three days. I normally try to go for walks every day. Just once a day sometimes more. To clear my head. I decided no, I'm staying home and doing some actual work on my writing, and .. well... I will say THIS much for this lockdown: it's done WONDERS for my writing! It's really improved! ^_^ So, silver lining, yes?

So... tonight. Oh, tonight. BLEH. Took a brain break from writing. Had a panic attack. Stupid mental hellhounds, man., barking up a storm in my head! I'm okay now, though, I promise. Cabin fever and I don't get on well, I can tell you with ALL sincerity! Grateful for the amazing friends I have solid connections with for keeping me company throughout the day yesterday (uhh... what day was that? Oh, yeah. Saturday. LOL!) and for the conversations with people tonight that I'm only peripherally connected with, but grateful to have had the company in PM with them as a more than welcome distraction!

Ah, the frustrations faced when wanting to write something beautiful and the words just haven't come yet!

Sometimes, when we ask God something, He'll answer with, 'Wait, My child. Be patient.' Heaven knows, your girl ain't the patient sort. I know, I know, try to contain your surprise. ;) But, it's true. I'm so not. I've been wanting, since Thursday after Mass, to sit and write a meditation about the night Jesus was arrested, but about Mama's side. One of my favourite things to do to feel as close as possible to our Beloved Lord when I read about Him is to put myself in that situation. Imaginative Prayer, it's called. I try to put myself in each scenario I read about, to really try to get as much as I can out of it. Being a writer, this works to my benefit, because of my really vivid imagination! ^_^

Writing isn't unlike the anticipation of a birth, because you're so excited for what's to come, but you have to be patient, let things grow and develop before doing anything with it. It's frustrating, but it's so worth it when you sit back and be patient. I've written about this before in this post.

After Mass Thursday, I got thinking about when our Beloved Lord entered into His Passion willingly. Without argument. Without a second thought. I got thinking, too, about what our Mama must've been feeling, seeing her Precious Son go through all He had for us, and how strong and steadfast she was, letting Him go. She knew what she was getting into when she consented to be our Lord's Mother.